Ep 71 – Healing our daughters

For those of you who are listening in real time, this is back to school week here in Canada, I know many of you started the school year already so no matter where you are from in the world – congratulations!! Kids are off!!

I love my kids so much but honestly, staying home with them is harder than working. Do you agree?

When they are home I feel like the kitchen is always open, I’m constantly washing and cutting and feeding someone. Although I cook more than usual the fridge is always empty! The house is a mess, laundry is piling up twice as fast, overall I just feel more tired than ever, mostly because I have to meditate and be a referee between the three of them which is energetically depleting! If I don’t plan the day and layout activities for them they end up watching Netflix ALL day long! Which is both unhealthy and frankly annoying to me. I can’t stand when my kids are wasting their time. Don’t get me wrong, I am in favor of boredom and free play and I’m happy to say that this summer our kids had a great time but man, summer is hectic!

So, in honor of back to school, I thought I’d do an episode for you talking about how we can help manage our kids’ stress and anxiety with our energy and healing powers. You guys hear me say this all the time, I believe that mothers are healers and we can do so much to help our children respond better any mental or emotional challenges they might experience or even help their physical body in cases of dis-ease or illness.

Always remember that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spirits having a human experience. This is true for us and this is true for our children as well. They are spirits who are learning to navigate this world and make meaning of whatever they encounter.

This is not to say that we have the power to “fix” or mend them because that would just be patronizing or judging our kids’ life experiences. Instead, what we can do is help them to understand that emotions are normal and help them master their emotional health, mostly by modeling and your own example.

There are a few techniques I use to help my girls to cope with fear, stress, anxiety or the unknown which is inevitable and normal for every human to go through. But I believe that the sooner our girls learn to master their emotions and understand that they can control their thoughts which generate certain feelings, they’ll struggle less with embarrassment, shame, or feeling like they are not good enough. There are many things they can’t control, which I believe we have to teach them to live with and trust the process of life. However, most of us can control our thoughts, we can choose to think in a certain way which is the first step in adulting. To me, this is an essential part of growing up and maturing. Think about this, how many people do you know that reside in an adult body but have zero ability to manage themselves mentally or emotionally. I know many people (men and women) who are in their 50’s and 60’s but mentally are stuck at age 4. Again, my intention behind this is never to criticise or blame, but always to learn and grow from it.

You, the mother, who’s raising a young family, you have the power to decide that your family will be raised differently. That you will raise your daughters to master their emotions and not be captive or a slave to their immature self. Since the purpose of life if growth, we are going to talk about how to help our daughters to “grow up”.

I want to share with you a few techniques I use with my girls to help them in times of fear, insecurity,

Since the beginning of the new school year is a time of immense fear, uncertainty, and anxiety for our kids (and us as well) I think it’s a good idea to give you some ideas and actionable healing techniques to help you help your daughters. By the way, you can use these techniques with boys as well, they have nothing to do with gender. I say girls because I have girls and I know many of the listeners of this show are raising girls are well, but please know that if you are raising boys they can work as well.

  1. Breathing and OMing together in unison – The first technique I use with my girls is called Breathing in unison and it is exactly what it says. Both mother and child are breathing together in the same rhythm, the leading breath is yours and you basically hold your child close to your body and put your hand on her heart and tell her to breathe with you. Do this for a few minutes and you will see how both of you are feeling like one. It is quite amazing, and you will be surprised at how well your daughter will respond. I find that the younger they are the easier it is, the older they are the harder it is to do help them realign and feel centered. The reason for that is their overactive hormonal system which makes it hard for the nervous system to calm down and regulate itself. This is where you and your own emotional mastery gets to lead by example. They can feel it. When you are grounded and centered it is easier to follow your lead, as opposed to when you are nervous and anxious yourself. Sometimes I also add the sound of OM as we breathe, which helps to reset the brain waves and also helps to regulate the breath. I find that with small kids they get scared in the beginning because it is quite loud, but now after many years of practicing this, my two-year-old is actually asking me to OM in her ear. It is so sweet when she does! My older two girls prefer to sit in my lap with their back facing my chest and as we breathe together, we also hum and OM. I learned this technique from hypnobirthing classes I took when I was preparing to my natural births the second and third time. This is how I regulate myself and I hope to give this gift to my daughters as well.
  2. EFT – The other technique is called EFT tapping and it stands for emotional freedom technique. This is a psychological acupressure technique which you can use to
    • Remove Negative Emotions
    • Reduce Food Cravings
    • Reduce or Eliminate Pain
    • Implement Positive Goals

It is known in the world of healing as tapping, so I’m just going to use that for short but if you want to look it up online, just know that it’s full name is EFT tapping. Tapping is based on the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture to treat physical and emotional ailments for over 5,000 years but without the invasiveness of needles. There are nine pressure points and they are on the top of the head, eyebrows, side of the eyes, under the eyes, under the nose, chin area, collar bones, underarms, and wrists.

The key here is to use your fingertips as pressure points, but to remember not to press too hard, the pressure shouldn’t hurt, but you have to feel it. The areas of the body give you the sequence and you repeat it over and over again until you feel better in your body. As you tap you have to use affirmations and the rhythm of the tapping helps you to embody what you are saying. For example, let’s say your child came back home from a really rough day at school, for my girl’s academics are not a problem yet, but we have a lot of social drama with other girls and classmates. So I’d get my daughter into the bath make sure I speak calmly and firmly to her, and after that sit her on my lap and will tap on her following the sequence and I would say something like: ‘Even though I have this fear of joining this group of girls, I deeply and completely accept myself.’ Or, ‘even though I have this anger towards my friend or teacher, I deeply and completely accept myself”. Or, ‘I love and accept myself, even though today was rough for me’.

The point here is to repeat this sequence and affirmations a few times until you get a cue from your daughter that she feels better. I have had great results with this technique and usually, it’ll end in both of us giggling and feeling closer to each other. I will link up to some great resources and books where you can learn more about EFT in the show notes, but I think this is something you should definitely have in your arsenal of tools.

3. Physical touch with affirmations – Most young children need physical touch, that’s how they feel loved. Something very special happens when two bodies are close to each other, and there is a lot of healing we can pass on to each other when we are in close proximity, this is especially true for our children because as their mothers this sixth sense we all have helps us to feel them and read and interpret their energy. Does it happen to you that without them even saying anything you already know that something is off? Does it ever happen to you that from one look or feel of their skin you know if they are getting sick or not. This maternal intuition or instinct is sacred and I wish more people referred to it as such. Unfortunately, in most cases, this is ignored and not given much regard. Too bad. Just because something cannot be proven doesn’t mean it’s not there.

I use this technique mostly when I feel like my girls are struggling with fear or resentment of some sort. It can be over things like fear of the dark, extreme pickiness with food (which originates from fear), nightmares, going to a birthday party of a new friend who they don’t know yet, starting a new school year, inviting a friend for a playdate but being scared of making the first move. This technique I also use after a shower as I find that water (especially warm water) has a cleansing and calming power (which is by the way, why I insist my kids have a shower daily. It is not so much for cleanliness but more for the energetic reset they get from it, which helps them to fall asleep faster and sleep better). So we bathe or shower and then I lay them on my bed. I do it on my bed because I find that there is a very special effect that happens for kids on their parents’ bed. I remember as a child I also loved sleeping and cuddling with my parents of their bed.

Anyhow, so I lay them on my bed over a towel, dim the lights, put on soothing music, warm up a handful of coconut oil in my hands (or any kind of massage oil you have) and begin rubbing it on my daughter. First I lay her on her back and begin at the top of her body, then I ask her to turn around. While massaging them I also ask them to close their eyes, breath deeply in through their nose and out through the nose (they should hear an ocean wave in their throat) and repeat after me:

“I am whole.

I am complete.

I am loved.

I am a child of God.

I love myself.

I love my family.

I am love.

I am grateful for my life.

I am grateful for my mom.

I am grateful for my dad.

I am grateful for my siblings.

I am grateful for my family.

And so on and so forth.

I recommend you to use affirmations that are relevant to their lives. This is almost like brainwashing their heads with love and positivity. I think what happens is because they repeat these affirmations they end up believing them and if they act in a way that is against what they just recited, their higher self will send them a feeling of dissonance and disconnection. So I think it is useful to use this technique often to help them embody these affirmations more and more.

In episode 60 I talked about the importance of using “I am statements” very carefully because each time we say I am black, we are creating our reality and more of who we want to be. So use these statements wisely in your own life and with your kids.

And that’s it! This is how we can use the power of intention and deliberate action to heal our children, and help them be more of who they are and not to get lost in the nonsense of this materialistic world that lures them to believe that they are not good enough, that they don’t have enough and that they are somehow flawed and need “fixing”.

Use these techniques while they are still young and receptive to spirituality and woo-woones as unfortunately, this wears off as they grow older. The more you use your own healing powers the less time, energy and money you will spend later on “fixing” and repairing childhood related raptures that occurred for them through therapy, counseling, etc. I am not saying that they don’t work, of course, they do, and I’m a huge advocate of therapy, however, I like to take the preventative approach and do what I can ahead of time to help my family thrive. I hope you will too.

Mothers are mentors and mediators, healers, encouraging nurturers, and role models. We are open-hearted and selfless and we can help our daughters to feel safe in the world.

I am going to end this with a beautiful quote that encapsulates how I feel about motherhood and I think you will relate to this as well:

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone

Show Notes: 

Thriving With Your Feminine Monthly Current, Free Masterclass on Sept 12th @ 1:30 pm EST

EFT Tapping resources: 

How to Tap with Jessica Ortner: Emotional Freedom Technique Informational Video

Tapping with kids 

The Tapping Solution: A Revolutionary System for Stress-Free Living